Dear Boogie - Volume 8
Dear Boogie,
I want to get in on this. I want to be a fake businessman, just like you! Any recommendations on books to read, to adhere to some sort of personality?
Thanks,
Felix
Dear Felix,
Ok, so this letter was in response to the Puppydog Businessman post. And yes - that post was a little while ago. Sometimes things get backed up in Dear Boogie HQ what with all the office white elephant parties and civil suit depositions. We’ll get to your letters when we get to them and you’re just going to have to accept that. You get what you get and you don’t get chlamydia. (That’s the expression, right?)
Felix, I assume if you want to be more like Puppydog Businessman, things are not going well for you indeed. You seem to be having an existential crisis of sorts, so I’ll give you advice I give everyone in this situation: dedicate your life to Burn Notice.
“Wait, Brendan - are you talking about that mid-2000s spy show on USA?”
You’re damn right I’m talking about that mid-2000s spy show on USA! What better cure for the gnawing meaningless of existence than Michael Weston and his ragtag gang of morally flexible do-gooders? Just a few reasons why you should quit your job and go all-in on Burn Notice:
Burn Notice is awesome. Seriously, have you seen it? There’s explosions in almost every episode. Also, there’s witty dialogue, sexual tension between sexy people, and then more explosions. It fucking rules.
Burn Notice has Bruce Campbell. When I first saw Bruce Campbell in EVIL DEAD 2, I had one thought: “This man is the greatest movie star who ever lived.” For whatever reason, the fates decided that instead of the Harrison Ford-level prestige that he truly deserved, Campbell became a beloved B-movie star. But I was not wrong, people! There is no one who I would rather watch on screen than Bruce Campbell. Burn Notice gives us a weekly dose of America’s most underrated treasure.
Burn Notice distracts your mind from the fact that our democracy is crumbling. Sure, the Supreme Court is compromised and the party who is trying to dismantle the justice department is leading in the polls. But… Burn Notice! Explosions, dude!
Burn Notice has Cagney… or Lacey. Sharon Gless plays Michael Weston’s mother on Burn Notice and she was in the seminal 80’s female buddy cop show Cagney and Lacey. While I don’t remember whether she was Cagney or Lacey, I refuse to look it up because enjoying Burn Notice is about tossing your troubles away, not ‘looking shit up.’ Side story - Tyne Daly (who was the other Cagney or Lacey) played the mom on the legal drama Judging Amy. I only saw one episode, but there was a scene where she was walking out of the bathroom. Since then, I can’t see Tyne Daly without imagining her taking a huge dump. Don’t know why!
Burn Notice takes place in Miami. Fun, right! Sun! Bikinis! Distraction from the anxiety that it is all meaningless!
Burn Notice makes you stop thinking about the pointlessness of love. Like… everything and everyone we love is going to leave us, right? If we’re lucky, it’s because they die and not because they have deemed us no longer worthy of their love. But either way - love is loss and eventual emptiness.
Did I mention Bruce Campbell? Take a look at this guy, eh?
Boogie Writes is a completely independent endeavor by one hard-working funnyman trying to make his way in the world today (which takes everything you’ve got.) If you like what you read, please subscribe, support, and tell a friend! Also - do you need advice? Of course you do! Send your queries to brendan@brendanboogie.com with “Dear Boogie” in the subject and get some solid or at least passable advice!