Modern Day Fables

Aesop was the shit, wasn’t he? Timeless tales with valuable lessons to guide our lives. But are they reeeeeeally timeless? In revisiting the tales, I came to the obvious conclusion that these fables could probably use a little bit of updating. So here I present some modernized versions of fables to live your life by, augmented by more colorful language because kids love swearing:

The Ant and The Grasshopper

On a bright summer day, the grasshopper was out sunbathing, fucking around, and generally being all grasshopper-y. She noticed that the ant was busy collecting grain and stray pieces of rice or whatever shit that ants eat.

“Why are you working so hard?” asked the grasshopper. “It’s summer! You should be fucking around like me!”

“I need to collect all this rice and shit,” responded the ant. “Otherwise, when winter comes around I’ll starve my dick off.”

“Well, you have fun with that bullshit,” laughed the grasshopper. “I’m going to do molly with Post Malone.”