Selected Thanksgiving Conversations
Happy Thanksgiving, nerds! For your pleasure on this gluttonous of holidays, some of my favorite conversations from Thanksgivings past…
Thanksgiving 2013
Brother: Ok, my father-in-law just arrived and he’s already been drinking.
Brendan: Oh, Christ.
Sister-in-Law: No, that’s good. If he drinks, he’s much more manageable. Let’s make sure he’s got a white Russian in his hand at all times.
Brother: If he starts talking about Vietnam, quickly change the subject to the movie Casualties of War, then move on to other Michael J. Fox movies. The Secret of My Success, Doc Hollywood, that one where he plays a professional bowler…
Sister-in-Law: Greedy.
Brother: Right, Greedy. That one was underrated.
Brendan: This is amazing. I wish I were such a problem that my family had to make elaborate plans with how to deal with me.
Brother: Oh, we’ve got plans…
Thanksgiving 2016
Uncle: You’ve got to agree - America is the greatest country in the world.
Brendan: In what category?
Uncle: Huh?
Brendan: What category are we number one in?
Uncle: We have the biggest economy in the world.
Brendan: Okay, but what does that translate to? What are we best at? You name the category and we’ll see where America ranks. Life expectancy? Health care system? Infant mortality rate? What does all that ‘economy’ actually translate to in terms of the citizenry?
Uncle: … Tom Brady didn’t deflate those footballs.
Brendan: Of course he did. I mean - a four game suspension was overkill, but he did do it.
Uncle: I’m going to walk over here now.
Brendan: Happy holidays! See you next year!
Thanksgiving 2019
Brendan: Are you just eating bread and butter?
Nephew: Yes.
Brendan: You’re aware that you’re not in prison, right?
Nephew: Not yet.
Brendan: Just make sure you hit the biggest guy on the first day.
Nephew: You’re the biggest guy in this room.
Brendan: You’re terrifying, you know that?
Nephew: I know. (glares at me as he takes a chunk out of his bread)
Thanksgiving 2023
Cousin: Good to see you, Brendan! How’s LA?
Brendan: It’s all right! Definitely warmer than Massachusetts!
Cousin: And you’re making movies out there?
Brendan: Sort of! I actually have the world premiere of my movie TALLYWACKER in New York on Dec 3.
Cousin: That’s great! How much does a festival pay for something like that?
Brendan: Oh no - you don’t get paid by festivals. You actually pay to submit to a festival. The idea is to get your film some buzz and then maybe get a distribution deal.
Cousin: Oh, I see. So the distributor pays you for the movie?
Brendan: No. Well, it used to be that way. But now, the distributor mostly just places your film on streaming platforms and takes a percentage.
Cousin: So they pay for the advertising and marketing?
Brendan: Nope. Again, maybe in the past. But that doesn’t happen anymore. We’re responsible for that. They basically do nothing and take a percentage.
Cousin: So… how do you make money at this?
Brendan: Oh - you don’t! (smiles)
Cousin: So… how do you survive?
Brendan: (shrugs) We’ll see!
Cousin: Here. Have some extra stuffing. Do you want to take some home?
Brendan: Yes. Yes I do.
Boogie Writes is a completely independent endeavor by one hard-working funnyman trying to make his way in the world today (which takes everything you’ve got.) If you like what you read, please subscribe, support, and tell a friend! Also - do you need advice? Of course you do! Send your queries to brendan@brendanboogie.com with “Dear Boogie” in the subject and get some solid or at least passable advice!