Would You Rather?
Have you ever been stressed out playing the classic “Would You Rather” game? Decisions are hard, even when they’re hypothetical! Luckily, your pal Brendo has you covered. Here are some pre-fab answers for your next game of “Would You Rather?”:
Would you rather be able to fly or be invisible?
You would rather have one part of your body (probably your head) be invisible while the rest of you can fly. Imagine being a headless dude flying around, freaking everybody out? That would be ‘the ballz’!
Would you rather travel to the past or the future?
You would rather travel to the moment Fonzie was born and use a comically large syringe to steal his cool. You couldn’t do this from full-grown Fonzie. Full-grown Fonzie is way too tough! But baby Fonzie? Fish in a barrel.
Would you rather be a beautiful idiot or an ugly genius?
You would rather be a beautiful idiot. Look at all those beautiful idiots skipping around with their crimped hair and their fanny packs full of ill-begotten stimulants. Why wouldn’t you want to be one of them, you hideous decrepit Einstein? You’re so dumb, smarty pants! You’re not at all ‘the ballz’!
Would you rather have it rain every day or never rain again?
You would rather it never rain again. Fuck trees, you know what I’m saying? They’re always just standing there, silently judging me. Like a tree is better than me? I’m way better than most trees. I’ll totally fight a tree. Don’t challenge me, trees.
Would you rather have more time or more money?
This is a trap. Neither of these things are going to happen. Anyone who asks you this is peddling false promises. Don’t trust them.
Would you rather be punched by Mike Tyson or shot by John Wilkes Booth?
Ah, the classic “Mike Tyson vs John Wilkes Booth” debate. It seems tricky, but you would rather be shot by John Wilkes Booth. He lives in the late 1800s and it would take a really long time for the bullet to travel through time and get to you. In the meantime, you will live a full and healthy life full of delicious ice cream!
Would you rather win a billion dollars in the lottery or not win a billion dollars in the lottery?
You would rather win the money. I’m not sure why you’re having so much trouble with this one. You’re getting really dependent on me for these questions and frankly it’s a little off putting.
Would you rather have dinner with Sylvester Stallone or his genetically altered doppelganger Sylvester Sta-Clone?
If possible, you would rather avoid this whole situation because the premise is so stupid. But gun to your head, you go with the real Stallone because he seems really keen on a TANGO AND CASH sequel despite the fact that Kurt Russell wants nothing to do with that shit. Keep pushing, Sly! I’ve even got some dialogue for you:
Tango: “I heard you’re the second best cop in this geriatric dementia ward.”
Cash: “Funny, I heard the same thing about… wait, who are you? Where is my Jell-O?”
Would you rather watch an old man TANGO AND CASH sequel or literally anything else?
TANGO AND CASH! TANGO AND CASH! TANGO AND CASH! TANGO AND CASH!
Great article, right? Everybody loves a good TANGO AND CASH reference. If you’ve read this far, you probably enjoy my tomfoolery. You know what you’ll really like? My new movie TALLYWACKER is having its Hollywood premiere a week from today! It’s part of Dances With Films: LA and the ticket link is right here. It’s no TANGO AND CASH but it’s got a lot of laughs. Check it out!
Boogie Writes is a completely independent endeavor by one hard-working funnyman trying to make his way in the world today (which takes everything you’ve got.) If you like what you read, please subscribe, support, and tell a friend! Also - do you need advice? Of course you do! Send your queries to brendan@brendanboogie.com with “Dear Boogie” in the subject and get some solid or at least passable advice!