Zexxy/Not Zexxy with Armando
Aloha, my beautiful babies! I use the term ‘aloha’ so I can say hello and goodbye to you at the same time because I don’t have a lot of time for your nonsense right now. Armando is a very busy hombre! But even in my hurried and harried state, I can see that you are lost. I can almost smell the confusion wafting out of your pores. Your problem is all too common: you don’t know what is zexxy and what is not zexxy. This hurts me, my little shaved kittens. But rest easy - your unimpeachable guide to the world of zexxiness is just moments away! Read on, stallions!
Zexxy: the Oxford comma
Not Zexxy: the Manchester semicolon
Zexxy: Uncle Jesse (Dukes of Hazzard)
Not Zexxy: Uncle Jesse (Full House)
Zexxy: When kink shaming is your kink
Not Zexxy: Spitting on your partner’s tax returns without consent
Zexxy: Erotic Timothy Olyphant cosplay
Not Zexxy: Erotic Josh Duhamel cosplay
Zexxy: Quietly humping in the secret basement of the Richard Nixon library
Not Zexxy: Loudly jerking off in the lobby of the Spiro Agnew library
Zexxy: Listicles
Not Zexxy: Testicles
Zexxy: Toddler energy
Not Zexxy: Toddler energy drinks
Zexxy: Judging dog owners who leave their dogs in a hot car.
Not Zexxy: Judging dog owners who let their dogs drive.
Zexxy: Wedding toasts
Not Zexxy: First communion roasts
Zexxy: Magicians
Not Zexxy: Weirdly, also magicians. (I can’t explain it either.)
Zexxy: Being pitied by Mr. T because you are a fool!
Not Zexxy: Being pitied by Mrs. Butterworth because you need triple bypass surgery
Zexxy: Introducing yourself to prospective dates with “Aaaaaay! Fonzie Fonzie Fonzie!!”
Not Zexxy: Introducing yourself to prospective dates with “Aaaaaay! Ted Bundy Bundy Bundy!”
Zexxy: Skipping leg day
Not Zexxy: Skipping the first four years of your child’s life
Zexxy: Early morning boners
Not Zexxy: Senate subcommittee hearing boners
Zexxy: Ending lists on a big joke that ties the whole concept together
Not Zexxy: Sputtering out like a… not that funny…. guy.
Boogie Writes is a completely independent endeavor by one hard-working funnyman trying to make his way in the world today (which takes everything you’ve got.) If you like what you read, please subscribe, support, and tell a friend! Also - do you need advice? Of course you do! Send your queries to brendan@brendanboogie.com with “Dear Boogie” in the subject and get some solid or at least passable advice!