Concert Review: The Darkness at the Wiltern
I am lucky enough to have awesome pals. And sometimes my awesome pals give me free tickets to things! Such was the case when my awesome pal Max had tickets he couldn’t use for ironic retro rockers The Darkness. He was kind enough to offer said tickets to me and my other awesome pal Mick. I never have anything to do, so I was off to the rock!
First, my background with The Darkness: I know that one song. That’s it. But I like that one song! I remember digging it when it came out - the cheeky nod to the hair metal of my youth was a fun breather from the hipper-than-thou posturing of the Strokes, the White Stripes, and other indie bands making waves at the time (bands who I also like, by the way). But when I first heard this song, I thought “Oh! This is fun!”
Other than that, I never really listened to The Darkness. There didn’t seem to be a need. I could just listen to Thin Lizzy or Zeppelin or Judas Priest or Cheap Trick or any of the various bands that The Darkness were… not parodying, exactly. Homaging? Is that a word? To be fair, I almost always have that reaction to throwback acts. When I first heard Amy Winehouse, my reaction was “Wow! What an amazing voice! I should really listen to Etta James again!”
But I find the experience of going to a show completely blind to be a veritable pantload of fun, especially with free tickets. The stakes couldn’t be lower! You won’t be disappointed and you could very likely have an awesome time. All upside! Henry had that experience at the Jason Isbell concert I wrote about a few months back. Despite knowing almost nothing beforehand, Henry was completely won over. Or at least he claimed to be. He could have been being nice to me or too high to form any coherent judgment.
So with free tix in hand, Mick and I jumped in a surge-priced Uber and headed to the Wiltern!
This was my first trip to the Wiltern and I was immediately won over by its ‘old theater’ charm. Mick and I sat in the spacious lobby in comfortable puffy chairs, sipping on a couple of $5 Liquid Deaths and solving the world’s problems. We were so into our conversation that we completely missed the opening act. Couldn’t even tell you who they were. How could we concern ourselves with music when we covering these important topics:
Funny orgasm sounds
Assholes from the Boston music scene circa 2004-2012 (this one took a while)
Mick’s gluten allergy/code words if we had to sprint out of the theater because he was shitting himself
The lost art of selling in professional wrestling
Assholes Mick met in his career booking professional wrestling
Best songs about sobriety
Favorite lines from The Venture Brothers
Concert assholes
Inevitably, there were a few concert assholes we had to deal with at the Wiltern. The Wiltern is one of those old theaters with graded seating so there’s not a bad view in the house… as long as no one stands up. If you choose to stand, you are instantly blocking a good dozen people’s views. We all understand this and collectively decide to sit… except one couple in the first row of the balcony. When The Darkness set started, they stood up in a way that makes it clear: “We’re standing for the entire show.” The folks directly behind them asked them to sit down, which they defiantly refused to do. It was about to become another edition of Brendan Gets in Confrontation With Strangers when they mercifully moved up to another section where they could stand in the back row unmolested. But not before Mick could tell them what’s up.
The only other notable concert asshole was a dude who skipped along the row in front of the balcony, facing away from the stage and waving his arms for us to get louder like a cheerleader with type 2 male pattern baldness. Concert asshole is probably too strong a term. Concert dweeb? Anyway, this guy got his karmic payback a few songs later when he was nodding his head with his eyes closed as he tried to ascend a staircase. You can guess the outcome. It was terrific!
But yeah - there are some people who are really into The Darkness. This was the 20th anniversary of their first record and clearly there were folks in the crowd who were hardcore Darkness fans for decades. I don’t like to yuck anyone’s yum, but… that’s kind of a weird band to be really into, right? They’re a lot of fun, but how deep can you dive on these tunes? But hey - I knew every word to every song by Extreme a few months ago, so who the fuck am I to throw stones? Fuck me, am I right?
The Darkness were a blast. Really, the way to experience them is live. Obviously, they are a throwback band. That’s their whole schtick. Front man Justin Hawkins leans heavy into the David Lee Roth antics, what with the posturing and jumping and the headstands. He was also genuinely funny with the banter, playing the snarky British rock star persona to a tee. Musically, the band was… all right? Again, being a musician kind of ruins these types of shows for me. I know all the tricks. The analytical part of my brain noticed that the drummer was subpar and the guitar pyrotechnics were fairly unimaginative. As Adam from The Lights Out used to say: “That’s not music. That’s showbiz.”
Still, it was a lot of fun! Guitars, jumping, enthusiasm - good time rock and roll. I was able to turn off my inner critic and have some good ol’ brainless fun. But I’m an old guy, so my favorite part of the show was that Mick engineered the greatest exit in concert goer history. We had agreed that we didn’t need to see the encore so that we would beat the crowd by leaving after “I Believe in a Thing Called Love.” Before the song, Hawkins pulled a great bit to convince the entire crowd to put their phones away by pulling two dudes on stage who were filming the whole time (and reading some of their messages) to be ‘designated videographers.’ It was an artful bit of crowd control and did add to the enjoyment of the song knowing the entire crowd was fully present.
ANYway, as they hit the final chorus, Mick said “Start walking… now!” We headed out the door. As the final chord of the song rang out and the audience cheered, we stepped outside the front door of the Wiltern just as our Uber driver pulled up. We got in the car and took off like we were in A Hard Day’s Night. We had a great time AND beat the crowd. I was in bed by 11. Old guy win!
I am glad I saw The Darkness. But to me, the true test of a concert is - do I want to listen to their music now? After the Jason Isbell show, I spent three weeks just on the newest album. I had to actually put a moratorium on listening to Isbell just to avoid overdosing on it. After having a great time at The Darkness show, a similar thing happened. I couldn’t stop listening… to Thin Lizzy and Zeppelin and Judas Priest and Cheap Trick…
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