The Funny List (Part 3)
You’re probably asking yourself “Brendan - in these trying times, is there anything funny anymore?” Of course there is! And I’m here to help! While it’s been a a little while since I chimed in on the subject, rest assured: I know what’s funny and I’m here to help:
Funniest noise: grandma farts
Funniest joke to say when Grandma farts: “What do grandma’s farts smell like?” “Eh… depends.”
Funniest disease (animal): feline obesity
Funniest disease (human): feline AIDS
Funniest line of dialogue that I haven’t figured out how to work into anything yet: “I want government out of my bedroom… but in my bathroom.”
Funniest car (intentional): the Oscar Meyer wiener mobile
Funniest car (unintentional): the Tesla cybertruck
Funniest story I heard about a Huey Lewis cover band in Michigan: So apparently, the faux Huey threw out branded sunglasses to the crowd and accidentally threw out his actual glasses. After the show as people were leaving, he got on the mic and said “Who’s got my glasses? Come on, guys! They are really expensive! Give them back!” He wouldn’t get off the mic until his glasses were returned. Never got them back. He was super mad about it. Hilarious.
Funniest name for an all-EMT Journey cover band: Gurney
Funniest name for an egotistical all-Italian stoner REO Speedwagon cover band: Mario Weedbraggin
Funniest thing that happened to me in the gym locker room yesterday: When the guy next to me was getting changed, his phone rang. He yelled out “UGH!” super loudly. Like he was surprised and annoyed that he was getting a phone call. It was such a strange overreaction. Had he never gotten a phone call before? Then, when he answered it, no one was there. He yelled out an equally loud “UGH!” So… did he want the phone call now? How can you be equally mad at the phone call and then not having the phone call? So confusing.
Funniest color: puce
Funniest Power Ranger: the Puce Ranger
Funniest period piece about abuse starring Oprah Winfrey: The Color Puce
Second funniest thing to ever happen in Harvard Square: In 2005, I walked into the Harvard Square Starbucks and the barista behind the counter said, “You’re Brendan Boogie, right?” He recognized me from my band and we chatted about a show he had seen. When I went to pay for my coffee, he said “It’s on me.” I felt like a goddamn rock star. Then, I walked outside and an unhoused guy immediately started throwing beef jerky at me. It was the quickest fall from grace I’ve ever had and the funniest thing to happen in Harvard Square until…
Funniest thing to happen in Harvard Square: A woman giving an interview about how the Harvard commencement was all about togetherness in this divided time and a fight breaks out behind her.
I love you, Boston.
Boogie Writes is a completely independent endeavor by one hard-working funnyman trying to make his way in the world today (which takes everything you’ve got.) If you like what you read, please subscribe, support, and tell a friend! Also - do you need advice? Of course you do! Send your queries to brendan@brendanboogie.com with “Dear Boogie” in the subject and get some solid or at least passable advice!